There Is the Difference Between Showing Interest and Chasing a Guy

January 10, 2018 lil teryan 0 Comments

There are just so many questions about chasing. So many ambiguities. It all boils down to what you think of it. Chasing inherently isn’t positive or negative. If chasing is pursuing someone you like, then it’s not just for one gender alone. Everybody is entitled to what they feel and have a right to express it. Try their luck with life.

Many men and women differ on this. Just like we can’t make generalisations about pretty much everything. We shouldn’t be generalising how or who gets to chase or be chased.

However, there are some guidelines and some common points or indicators. This is your guide to everything about chasing or getting chased.

Why would you chase someone?

So, there are several reasons you might find yourself in a chase.

You are looking for that special someone and this person you’ve met or you’re with, makes you feel the butterflies in your tummy.

You like someone so much that the thought of letting them go or missing that opportunity is too much to take.

You see someone as a potential life partner. They have all the characteristics you’re looking for on the onset and you just want to get to know them better.

These are a few situations that might trigger a chase. There could be several other reasons that you’re pursuing a person.

Science of liking and infatuation

It’s important to know what is the thing or the feeling that makes you want to go after a person. Generally, it’s the feeling of love or infatuation. There are also other toxic reasons that might lead you to chase people, we’ll talk about those too.

Infatuation is a short-lived feeling of passion or love. Notice the word, ‘Short-lived’. It’s this feeling of passion that we confuse with love. Love is painstaking, requires compromise and is not always a bed of roses. It is effort and a lot of understanding. Infatuation is what you feel when you like someone based on either one of their 

That is, you love the image or perception you have of them. It may also be completely superficial. Like a ‘can’t take your eyes off them’ situation. It’s mostly this phase that people chase each other and try to get the other person to like them.

Inherently, there is nothing wrong with it. You’re feeling something and there is nothing to be ashamed off. We’ll talk about the value of being vulnerable. Although, be considerate of what the other person is feeling. One of the three things might happen.

Best case scenario is that they like you back. Chase ends when you commit and make the other person feel secure. Make them realise that they don’t have to fight for your attention. Another situation is that they may not feel the same about you and that’s perfectly normal. Accept it and let them go. You deserve better. Worst scenario, they might make a game out of a chase. It can then get confusing and exhausting.

So be extremely cautious of the situation you’re putting yourself in.

Being vulnerable is good

Before you jump to the conclusion that you don’t want to express how you feel because you’re too scared, remember that being vulnerable is good. Of course, with precautions that you’re not opening up about your feelings to every Tom, Dick and Harry.

This way you’ll only increase your likelihood of shutting off and keeping your emotions to yourself by getting hurt. You need to first evaluate and understand the person before baring your soul to them. Or trust your gut sometimes too. We can’t live calculated lives and are bound to get hurt.

So, don’t worry about scrappy knees. Think about hearts full of love. Find the courage within you to be vulnerable with the person you love.

You’re the truest version of yourself when you are vulnerable. If someone can’t accept you then, it’s likely they won’t be able to truly accept you at all. Everything else is just a façade.

So, if you think the chase is making you vulnerable, it’s perfectly ok.

Happiness comes from within

In some cases, chasing someone is not about how you feel towards them. It’s habit. It is your get away. Your coping mechanism. It’s not the person, you’re chasing happiness. This chase is sure to not end well. At some point or the other, the happiness is going to fade away and you might be tempted to walk away and look elsewhere. This is where the problem starts. You’ll always keep looking and it is highly likely that you’ll begin feeling alone and left out.

Remember, you’re a separate individual that has emotions and feelings. You need to better only one relationship in this case. That is with yourself. You need to realise happiness doesn’t lie in an individual or thing. It’s always you who is the centre of your happiness.

If this sounds like you, stop the chase! Reflect on what or who promoted this habit and learn to find your happiness with you and nobody else.

When you shouldn’t chase

You shouldn’t chase someone if they are playing it too cool. Nobody has that kind of time and energy to dedicate to playing emotional games. A chase is only fun and games in the first stages of a relationship. Ideally, when you have just met and are not committed. If you’re already in a relationship and you find yourself chasing, stop because you aren’t doing yourself any good by running behind someone who might not want you.

You shouldn’t chase when you’re the only one putting in all the effort. All relationships including friendship is a two-way road. You can’t just always run up to a person. Sometimes, they should come running to you too. If that’s not happening, spare yourself the pain and misery. Reconsider your choices.

You shouldn’t chase if you’re already in the relationship. This in no way means that you stop choosing each other. Each day, you choose all over to love someone, to share your life with someone and you choose them. Choosing is different from chasing. If you’re still chasing after committing, you’re just wasting time.

You could devote your time to doing activities that would strengthen your relationship. You could use this time just enjoying each other. Perhaps even building yourself. So, don’t waste your time.

You shouldn’t chase if you’ve become a dumpster for someone else’s feelings. When you’re chasing someone, you’re declaring your feelings loud and in open. Some people can’t get themselves to refuse if they don’t feel the same feelings.

Instead you will fulfil their other needs. Like the need of a therapist. They will use you as their unpaid therapist and walk all over you. If this is happening, this person is not worth your effort.

You shouldn’t chase if you’re not serious. This one is easy. Don’t be that person who plays around with feelings. If at any point, you just don’t feel the same anymore. Confess it to the other person. Yes, it might cause them some pain for now but save them from a greater pain. Also, remember what goes around, comes around. If you’re playing with someone’s feelings, always remember that you won’t get away with it in the long haul. Even if you get away with it now.

When you should chase

You should only chase if you have feelings for somebody or you are attracted. If your gut says that they might reciprocate what you’re feeling, go take the leap. Don’t push it if this is not the case and it’s not mutual.

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